between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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