Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
