I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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