He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
