how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
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