There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
