He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
