dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
