Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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