I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize