I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
