I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
