Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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