The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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