Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
