I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
