he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I need water and some morals
Randomize
