This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My ass is underappreciated
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
