I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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