Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
