all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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