Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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