So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
