I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Dignity is for republicans.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
