I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
