I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
