I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Floor bacon is actually really good
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
