Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
