Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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