We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
