Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
