im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
