If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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