Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
