His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
