I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
