I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
