Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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