I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
