it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
