i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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