you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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