Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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