A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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