so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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