Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
