when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
