OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
