R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
