New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
