yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
