just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
As shirtless as possible
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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