so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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