I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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