i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
