we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
