he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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