It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
