Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
