It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
