I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
