i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
