I'm jealous of your bromance
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
