Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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