I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
