it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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