I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the day after is always just damage control
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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