girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
so much tequila, so little girl.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
