I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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