dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize