He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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