I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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