We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
i think i just lost a toe
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
