hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
