found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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