i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
