I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
