Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
